Jim Saunders said:
https://500px.com/hhaphoto/galleries/angela-s-wedding
Disclaimer: I'm crap at photography. If experienced photographers take issue with any of this please do feel free to step in.
One thing that hasn't been mentioned is some of the portraits are taken at quite short focal lengths, e.g. https://500px.com/photo/264225807/trevor-and-angela-by-jim-saunders?ctx_page=1&from=gallery&galleryPath=30325165&user_id=12550001
If space allows, a long focal length and standing further back will be more flattering as the shorter focal length exaggerates the nose. If space doesn't allow then consider finding a different space
Some of your full length portraits are level or pointing down slightly. It's best to take these from low down & pointing up slightly. This flatters because it gives longer legs and a slimmer body (I've read low down and pointing up at the crotch. If that is the general recommendation... don't tell 'em that's what you're doing)
Something to fill in the shadows on peoples' faces would have been great (flash, reflector, whatever)
Doing the above will make your shots look much better... the subjects won't know why they look great in your photos but they'll certainly appreciate it.
Whether I take up any paid gigs following on from this I'm not sure right now
There's basic stuff you're not doing so don't do paid-for stuff until you've got it all nailed. Read up fashion and portrait photography and apply that knowledge (wedding photography, to me, is fashion and portrait photography done mostly on the fly with limited time, appalling lighting conditions and with completely inexperienced models).
Once you're able to direct the subjects into flattering poses, taken from flattering angles and with flattering lighting (provided by you) then you'll be providing a product you'll be happy to charge for.